Twas the night before my HSG..

And all through my head, crazy thoughts are a stirrin'!  I just can't seem to separate myself from the anxiety of this procedure tomorrow. I have HUGE fear that it is going to be very painful. I have heard varying degrees of pain from different people.  I also have completed Clomid round 4 at 150mgs. What a doozie of a dose that was! I was dizzy again, and have had MAJOR hot flashes.  It has not been super fun round here!
I am hopeful that this will be our month, and I am having a hard time not being completely sure that this will work this time. I know that I will be devastated this time if it is not the fix I needed. I am worried about having to go down the fertility clinic road. So here I still, waiting, waiting, waiting..
Boo

On to the next cycle!

CD 1 Here we are again. However, I am just trying to stay positive, especially knowing that we are doing something different this cycle.
Why is this just so hard???

Spotty, spotty, spot

That is what is happening. Just light pink, but combined with my temp drop this morning, I am pretty confident I am out. On to the HSG I go. It is frustrating, but at least we are trying something different this cycle, and the HSG has an fertility increase of 30-35% for the next 3 months after the procedure.  That also would mean a summer due date.  So not so bad for my school year.
I just feel MEH at this point.

2 WW'in it up

Trying not to go completely Bat shit crazy this month is like trying to hold a Popsicle!! I am always in habit of over-thinking every.little.twinge, or I am guilty of thinking every thing I feel is a symptom.  I am bloated, I must be pregnant, I have sore nips, must be pregnant (even though I always have them at this point...) Tired? Definitely pregnant haha was that nausea? I am waking up at like 5 am and I can't get back to sleep, so I lay in bed tossing and turning wondering the whole time if I am pregnant, how will I tell people, will I get an early ultrasound etc etc etc.

I am glad for the distraction that this weekend will bring what with my sister coming home with my niece, and the baptism, plus 2 Thanksgiving dinners, I hopefully can put a lot of my crazy thoughts out of my head.

Also, my close friend, the one who found out she is pregnant? She had another miscarriage over the weekend. I am just SO devestated for her. I still can't quite wrap my head around the fact that this has happened to her twice! If is just so unfair.  Needless to say, it has been a little dark in these parts lately. :(

I am scheduled to go for my HSG on October 16th if this cycle does not work out as planned.  I already have a call into my OBGYN to see what she wants me to do Clomid-wise because the end of this cycle is due to arrive in 3 days over the long weekend.  Obviously she will not be around then, So I figured I would be proactive and call in advance.    Let's hope that I don't need either the clomid OR the HSG!! 

The Perspective Maker: When you think you have it bad, someone else always has it a little worse......

 

At least I don't have THIS problem!! hahaha!!

Coping, waiting... Lather, Rinse, Repeat

Each  month, same thing. CD1 starts, and I am SO bummed out. Then I have the OBGYN mad dash to call in to see what is my next step. wait...wait...wait... Clomid round three commences. Wait to finish the meds, wait to O, wait to see if I'm pregnant. Repeat if not pregnant next cycle. 
It can be maddening, and exhausting, and so very emotional.  There are times that I avoid blogging for the fear of this becoming too dreary.  I want to stay upbeat and positive but some days it is just so damn hard. 
I am currently on CD 14, and about a week ago I went back for a follow up appointment with Dr. Trites.  She is sending me for an HSG sometime in October if this cycle does not work out.  I have to go between CD 7-10 in order to ensure that my tubes are open before I ovulate.  This procedure increases fertility by 30% and I will know whether I have a blockage or not. So I am kinda looking forward to this procedure, but not at the same time because I am afraid it will hurt. 
Monday Oct 1st I go for blood work to test my progesterone to confirm ovulation. So we will know for certain if my body is working.  I am just so hopeful that this will work this month.  I am tired of all that goes into this.
 I also get annoyed that it is just taking so damn long.  I see so many people get pregnant and now that have had their babies, and it is just so damn frustrating. I don't begrudge anyone their baby or pregnancy, but so days it can be so hard to seem enthusiastic about their babies, or their pregnancies. 
One of my very closest friends just found out she is expecting, and she has been trying for a year and has had a loss in the meantime. I am over the moon thrilled for her, but it is sometimes hard to not be a little jealous or sad that I still after all this we are not there yet.
I am grateful everyday for the blessing that is Ben, and sometimes I feel so selfish for wanting more, especially since so many other people don't even have one baby. 
Dr. Trites has given me a time limit, and if I am not pregnant in 3 more months, she is sending me to a Reproductive Endocrinologist in a fertility clinic. We have a plan.  I just hope that this will all happen on it's own (to the extent that it can) before the year is up. I am so terrified of the cost and invasiveness of procedures in a fertility clinic.  gah!!
And with THAT rant, I leave you with this:

 

Eff, Eff Eff

I am spotting and had a massive temp drop this morning.
I think I am out. I will update as I know more.
Eff

Back to work!!

Late August I started back to work, and since then, I have had NO time for blogging!! I am team-teaching with another teacher this year, so we had to set up a new class, and this first week of school is always exhausting, but I can say with certainty, I LOVE my kiddos! They are a sweet bunch this year! ::Fist pumping commences::
I figured that I would just do a quick update, I am on CD 23, 9DPO and my temps are higher than eva!! they have not been much lower than 98.6 since 4 dpo, so I am really hopeful for this month. I haven't really had many "symptom", other than twinges and cramps. I tested this morning, and got a BFN which I fully expected, yet I could not control my self anyway. haha, I have no control when it comes to peeing on sticks!
I am going to link my chart so you can see it, and our timing, which was pretty good, if I do say so myself! I am hoping to hold out until at least tuesday to test again, and I will update if anything interesting happens in the mean time!
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/261d7d