Merry Christmas!

What a beautiful weekend we have had. Yesterday(Christmas Eve) was filled with hanging out as a family, going to visit my Aunt for a little bit, going to a bustling service at our church at 4pm, and then going to my parent's place for supper.  Around 6:30 we got a call from my sister and her husband who had just made it into Calgary to spend Christmas with my Brother-in-law's parents.  Low and behold they are expecting too! She is due a week after my sister-in law is due. Little Leo babies all around. Two new little nieces or nephews!
Today was a great. Ben was so in wonder of all the gifts he found under the tree.  He loved unwrapping and playing with all his new toys! He was in such a sweet mood today, running around, saying "Ho Ho Ho", and loving on everyone.  We went down to Hubb's brother's place for a late lunch/early dinner, which was so fun. The only un-fun moments were when my father-in-law and mother-in-law each asked separately if I had an "announcement" I'd like to share with everyone today.  Just drive the nail in deeper please. Like I am not completely aware that I am not pregnant yet. I really needed those lovely reminders!! But taking that all in stride, we had a beautiful Christmas, and we are truly blessed to have such a sweet son to share our holiday with. I thank God every day for the Gift of our son. I will post some pictures this week of our day.

On another note, when talking to my sister last night, she told me that she wants to blog her pregnancy experience so that all our family can share in their journey. I Love that idea, since I just love my blog. I, however, don't think I am ready to go public with this blog as of yet. I told my sister that I was blogging, and she was all "Oh hey! Send me your link!" but I don't know if I am ready for that yet. Just knowing someone in my family would read this makes me kinda hyperventilate. I mean I know Deeds is out there reading, but I don't feel like I need to censor myself in anyway for her, but I just don't know if I can blurt out all of my lack-of-filter comments if I know my family would be tuning in.  Maybe when I do finally fall pregnant I will make this public, and in that case I would probably delete these trying to conceive posts, but until that day comes around, I think we will stay the way we are... anonymous(kinda)

Tis' the season!!

What a whirl wind few weeks this has been!
   The holiday season is full swing, and I been fully caught up in it! I just LOVE the Christmas holidays. I love the hunt for gifts, I love the decorating, baking and Christmas carols. I love the masses at our church during advent and all that people do to support one another during this beautiful season.

  My holiday season started with a staff party, next rolled through all the fun with decorating a christmas tree with a little man who was determined to help un-decorate it! Then I hosted a baby shower for a co-worker/old friend from elementary school, which was awesome! AND then this past weekend we had an annual turkey dinner/Yankee swap with my very sweetest friends, where we were able to celebrate one of my oldest friend's engagement. What a fantastic time I have had, soaking up all the holiday cheer.
I am so looking forward to this weekend. I can't wait for lunch time on Friday, when I get to pick my sweet boy up for the sitter's early.This will be the kick off for a WONDERFUL weekend with family.
    On Christams eve, we are going to church at 4pm, and then heading to my parent's to celebrate Christmas with them, and then Christmas day, we are heading to my Brother in law's place to exchange gifts and celebrate with Hubb's side of the family. I am so excited that we get to have Christmas dinner in our own little house this year!!
    This week at school will be a whirlwind, with a class trip to go bowling, a school wide Christmas breakfast, a class "Polar Express" party and Christmas carolling.  I am so ready for it!!
   On the baby front we are on cycle day 14  which means I have any where from 10-20 days until ovulation. My christmas break will be "Busy" haha!!
My letter to Santa should read: "Dear Santa, I know it looks like I've been naughty, but all this fucking has been with a purpose!!"  haha

Photo Book

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Here is my project as of late. It is a Christmas gift for Hubb's parents. I am so thrilled as to how it turned out!! EEK!!
This is the first 20 months of my sweet boy's life. I get a little misty eyed looking at all the pictures organized this way.
I just don't know where the time (or my sweet baby) went!

Not Pregnant

So remember how I was going to wait to test. Looks like I don't have to. AF came today. I almost half expected it because my temperature started to tank today. I was still, however, surprised to see it show up this morning.
It kind of devastated me. I really had my hopes up.  I don't know why I thought that all would work out according to plan. It really sucks because now I won't have a summer due date and it screws up my school year. I had plans to go out in the summer and actually take a whole year off and not go out or come back in the middle. I find it really effects the class. So yes, it was very devastating to know that I was for sure not.
I am in a funk. Seriously and most of it stems from the fact that I now have to wait another 40 days to find out if we were successful. 40 just seems so damn daunting.
F U C K

Perspective Change

Ok, so here's the long and short of it all.  I need to calm the eff down. I am making myself and my hubbs crazy. Truly Crazy.  I am over analysing every thing that is going on with my body right now.  My chart on Fertility friend keeps changing when I ovulated, so now I am not sure it any of our timing was right.  Today was the number I had put into my own head for a testing date.  Things temperature wise have been on par... the number has sky rocketed, and stayed up, so that's great.  I guessed that I was 13 dpo, so I broke out a test this morning, and Big ol' Negative.  Very clearly NOT PREGNANT.  Ok, so I am down about that and don't understand. When I put my temp into Fertility Friend it moves my ovulation day to 4 days ago.
4 days ago...

Did you catch that??

4 days ago...

so maybe I didn't ovulate when I thought back on day 25.  If that is the case I am pretty much starting my 2WW all over again. WTF! I just thought I went through it!! It truly is maddening.  I am at the point where I am exhausted of trying to guess what is going on with my body. So I have decided that I am going to dive into the spirit of the season and let go of worrying so much about myself.  How effing selfish am I. Wah wah wah I have long cycles.. wah wah wah  I need to man up and put myself aside and start thinking about what I can do to make this holiday special for others in my life.

I am not testing and not worrying about if I am pregnant or not.  If I am, I am, if I'm not, AF will show up eventually. If I haven't had a period by the 20th I will test. By then I should know either way.  That will be cycle day 56 and LORD knows I should start by then!! 
Tomorrow we are getting our Christmas Tree, my best GFs are coming over, and tonight is my work Christmas party. A GREAT kick off to the weekend and the holiday season! (Let's hope this attitude sticks around for longer than today, and I can control myself and not POAS! GAH!!)