Wowsies

Well, I never ended up in the right frame of mind to continue my last post. Wrapping my head around my loss was so hard. The grief and anger came in waves. I just felt like I needed to wrap myself in my bed and never come out. The disbelief that after so.many.months of trying ended in a loss was just enough to send me over the edge some days.  We planted 2 red geraniums in the memory of our first lost baby and now for our second. 

Today...
I found out I am pregnant again...
and I am scared. I watched the dye move across the test and wanted it to be negative. I know that it sounds so very weird, but I am so very scared of having a third loss. We so want this baby. We have prayed and prayed for this baby, and the thought of losing it makes me sick to my stomach. The thought that I would have a third baby in heaven makes me sad. 

May 16th I was driving home from town with Dave and it had just stopped raining very hard. We are talking black sky, down pour.  The sky broke, and the most vivid rainbow appeared. It took my breath away it was so beautiful. I said to Dave, that I saw it as a sign of hope, and told him that on TheBump.com the pregnancy after a loss group calls the baby after a loss a "rainbow" baby. It is the Piece of hope after the rain of loss. He smiled at me and said that maybe we would get our rainbow baby.  Here we are.  Hoping for our rainbow to stick.

If this baby does hang around with us, my hopeful EDD would be February 3rd, 2014.  My sister and very best friend's shared birthday. 
Could it be a sign??

Step 1--- Call Dr. Trites on Monday to see if I can get an appointment for bloodwork and an early ultrasound.
Holy shit.....