That is what my husband asked if I was going to be all weekend... a hot mess. I told him that there was a great chance that I would be. I am just feeling so down about all of this lately, and i am having a hard time separating myself from it. Typically I can rationalise, and keep a positive frame of mind, but this month just seems harder for some reason. I am not sure if it is the fact that its another fall that I am not pregnant, or the fact that 3 of my dearest, best friends are pregnant, 2 of which are both with in 4 days of each other. I had such high hopes that July would be my delivery month, but here I am, still waiting to see those 2 pink lines. I keep praying and begging that this is it for us, but for some reason, it just never is. I can't see why we are being put through this trial right now. I of course feel excited for my friends and their pregnancies, especially since it is the first for one, but on the other hand, it makes me so sad to not be enjoying the process with them right now.
I also feel guilty for being sad around them, and guilty for not enjoying the time that Ben was an infant. It may have been the only time in my life to experience it, and I wished away many a moment, spurring him on get to the next stage. It is a whole myriad of feelings I guess.
Tomorrow I go back to my doctor to see what I can do next. Not sure what the outcome will be, but I am anxious non-the less.
**Please feel free to comment on a post if you have/are on the same journey. I would love to hear some feedback**
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