In Retrospect

   This morning I was talking with the Hubbs about how I was feeling about this being my last vacation day. I told him that I was pretty bummed out this time that I had to go back to work. Ben is at SUCH a fun age right now, learning so many new things, saying so many funny things, that I am actually sad to be leaving him this time.  This time last year Ben was 9 months old and still not being a good sleeper. He was still either up every 2 hours or he would sleep from 7:30pm-2am and then be up for the day. I was a basket case. Literally. BUT I was so excited to be going back to work and becoming "Hillary" again. I really felt like I lost a huge part of myself after Ben was born. During my maternity leave, I felt like I lost who I was, I really felt like a prisoner of my own life. I think there were times that I probably should have seen someone (a professional) to discuss my feelings, because looking back now, I think there was a strong possibility that I had some postpartum depression. So going back to work last year meant reclaiming a HUGE part of who  I am. I LOVE what I do and sometimes feel lost when I am not teaching. It's just what I was meant to do in life.

   Fast forward to now, and the reluctance in going back to work is just that I love the personality Ben is showing, and I have loved watching him play and learn and grow. These are the reasons that I am looking forward to having more children. I can't wait to see my kids grow and learn. It's such a privilege to be a part of it all. I am of course a little scared for the time after a new babe joins our family. It was rocky at best with Ben, but we pulled through, so I figure that I can't cope any worse than I did last time! hahaha
Hubbs and I have grown so much as a couple in the last 2 years that I feel like we are ready to take this on again, and I really believe that we will get through it easier than last time.

    On the Baby making front, I am on CD 31, and I *Think* I ovulated 2 days ago based on the rise I have had in my temps. I feel like the timing this month was much better, but I am still not confident. I think that I am just assuming I won't be pregnant this month to avoid the disappointment that was last month.  I do feel calmer than last month, which is good not only for me,  but also for Hubbs. Way less stress. We will see what happens! I should know within 12 days.