Coping, waiting... Lather, Rinse, Repeat

Each  month, same thing. CD1 starts, and I am SO bummed out. Then I have the OBGYN mad dash to call in to see what is my next step. wait...wait...wait... Clomid round three commences. Wait to finish the meds, wait to O, wait to see if I'm pregnant. Repeat if not pregnant next cycle. 
It can be maddening, and exhausting, and so very emotional.  There are times that I avoid blogging for the fear of this becoming too dreary.  I want to stay upbeat and positive but some days it is just so damn hard. 
I am currently on CD 14, and about a week ago I went back for a follow up appointment with Dr. Trites.  She is sending me for an HSG sometime in October if this cycle does not work out.  I have to go between CD 7-10 in order to ensure that my tubes are open before I ovulate.  This procedure increases fertility by 30% and I will know whether I have a blockage or not. So I am kinda looking forward to this procedure, but not at the same time because I am afraid it will hurt. 
Monday Oct 1st I go for blood work to test my progesterone to confirm ovulation. So we will know for certain if my body is working.  I am just so hopeful that this will work this month.  I am tired of all that goes into this.
 I also get annoyed that it is just taking so damn long.  I see so many people get pregnant and now that have had their babies, and it is just so damn frustrating. I don't begrudge anyone their baby or pregnancy, but so days it can be so hard to seem enthusiastic about their babies, or their pregnancies. 
One of my very closest friends just found out she is expecting, and she has been trying for a year and has had a loss in the meantime. I am over the moon thrilled for her, but it is sometimes hard to not be a little jealous or sad that I still after all this we are not there yet.
I am grateful everyday for the blessing that is Ben, and sometimes I feel so selfish for wanting more, especially since so many other people don't even have one baby. 
Dr. Trites has given me a time limit, and if I am not pregnant in 3 more months, she is sending me to a Reproductive Endocrinologist in a fertility clinic. We have a plan.  I just hope that this will all happen on it's own (to the extent that it can) before the year is up. I am so terrified of the cost and invasiveness of procedures in a fertility clinic.  gah!!
And with THAT rant, I leave you with this: